Love Condemned: Beginnings Read online

  A few moments had passed before either of them realized that they had not moved. The bright white flash of lightning broke them from their trance, followed by the roar of thunder. Adrian averted his gaze and said, “I guess the storm is not letting up.” He turned back in his seat to avoid another awkward situation and let her eat in peace. The thought did not even cross his mind that he had been rude to stare while she ate.

  He reached back into his pack, pulled out a soda, and hoped that drinking something would keep him from saying too much.

  Miranda found herself eating her salad in silence - apart from the raging storm outside. She felt oddly rejected by his refusal to share the salad. She wondered why he would turn it down when he had about a day's walk behind him, and nothing else even closely resembling a proper meal. Unconsciously, she shook her head. She always thought she was a tough one to understand, but it seemed he was her equal in this.

  As expected, Miranda could eat only half of the salad, so she put the lid back on and stashed it in her bag again. Perhaps Adrian would want it later. It had remained cold so far thanks to the air conditioning that was beneath the chair. She suspected it would remain cool for the rest of the night. Then she stood up, reaching over Adrian with a mumbled "excuse me" to throw her empty cup of ice cappuccino in the bin that was attached to one of the vertical poles in the bus.

  Miranda dropped herself back in the chair and glanced at Adrian. Before she said anything, she took out her cell phone out of her left pocket and quickly typed a text to let her parents know she was on the bus. She had completely forgotten to do that when she arrived, but now she felt comfortable enough, and didn't think she could be startled by anything he said anymore.

  "Do you have a girlfriend back home?" she asked without looking up from the screen, not realizing she was blushing slightly. She hadn't even thought about the question - it just popped out. Perhaps it was a good thing too, if she would have been thinking and trying to guess the answer for a long time, she probably wouldn't have had the guts to ask it anymore.

  Adrian felt his heart drop to his stomach as Miranda asked him the question about having a girlfriend. He knew that he would have to talk about his life in the US eventually. He had hoped that he had more time to build up the courage. Now, he was cornered, forced to answer the question.

  “Not anymore.’ Adrian said a little softly. “I had a girlfriend for a while, but things not really work out.”

  He did not want to expand further on his explanation, so he turned the question back on her, “And what about you? Do you have all the men chasing after you back in England?”

  Secretly he hoped she would say no, this thought surprised him. He did not realize that he started to like her, even though he just met her.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Both the thought that she was happy that he was single, and the one about it being a shame that it didn't work out with his girlfriend flashed through Miranda's mind. She had no time to react or to realize how much both thoughts contrasted with each other. Miranda grinned when she imagined men chasing after her in England.

  "Not really," she replied while stashing her phone back in her pocket. "I don't think I'm very attractive to men. I don't really have an attitude or something. My dad always says that I'm like a package with the stamp "handle with care", and that's the reason guys don't actually talk to me. Well, with the exception of Patrick. He's my best friend, and the reason you are on this bus right now." She pointed at the seat he was sitting in, the only one that had been unoccupied before.

  Adrian was very surprised to hear her tell him that men do not talk to her. In his eyes, she was very attractive, she had good taste in music, and she seemed very unique. Thoughts started to go through his mind, and he wondered if there was more to this girl than he knew. Something had to keep the men from talking to her. Whatever it was, it did not keep him away.

  Miranda had told him that her friend Patrick was the reason that he was lucky enough to get a seat. Apparently, her friend could not join her on this adventure. He was sure that was a disappointment to her. Then his thoughts went to her friend Patrick. Maybe he is being too quick to get his hopes up that she might like him. He will probably end up being another ‘friend’. That is just what he does not need to hear right now.

  “I am sorry that your friend could not join you, but for more selfish reasons, I am glad that he couldn’t.” Trying to be funny was never his strong area, but he figured that he would give it a try and see what her reaction was.

  Miranda smiled, though she didn't comment any further. She could hardly admit that somewhere deep inside she was a little glad it was Adrian sitting next to her instead of Patrick. But he had to retake a test he had failed, so he couldn't come. After weeks of hesitating and nightmares, Miranda had decided to take the tour on her own. She had already paid and the travel agency wasn't giving back money. That combined with continued pressure from her parents she decided to go. Patrick hadn't minded. As he had put it, he thought she'd 'loosen up' a bit.

  Conversation was fluent again, though they had to lower their voices not to disturb the sleeping passengers. Occasionally, lights of the cars passing them lit up their faces. Miranda had refused to close the curtains when the other passengers closed theirs; she liked the rain on the window too much. At half past ten, the bus stopped for the second time at another gas station. Miranda guessed they had to have crossed at least two thirds of the breadth of France now.

  She stood up and stretched her legs, feeling they were getting a little stiff now after six hours with only a short break. "I'm just going to the loo," Miranda said to Adrian after Alice had announced this would be the last break for the night, and that they would not stop again until seven o'clock that morning. The bus driver was the first to leave the bus, his replacement was just arriving. He had driven them for six hours and would be returning to France tomorrow.

  Miranda stepped over Adrian's feet, almost tripping, and had to grab hold of his shoulder not to fall. "I'm sorry!" she said with red cheeks, retrieving her hand as if she had burned herself. Quickly, she stepped on the narrow aisle and jumped the few steps out of the bus.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  The bus came to a stop; it was time for another break. Adrian was anxious to get up and stretch his legs one last time before he got some sleep. Miranda was getting up also and tried to step over him, she slightly lost her balance. As she caught herself, she grabbed his shoulder for stability. He was so close to her, he could smell the subtle perfume that she was wearing. The intoxicating aroma made his head spin a little as he felt her hand brush his shoulder. She pulled back quickly.

  When he opened his eyes again, she was gone, already off the bus. He regained his composure, stood, and took this time to stretch. He walked off the bus to discover that the rain had stopped momentarily. At least he was not going to get wet before getting back on the bus again. Adrian thought about the best way to spend his time during this break. He decided to go to the loo, as Miranda called it, then take a short walk to get his legs and back stretched.

  When it was time to get back on the bus, Adrian was the last one. He climbed the stairs and saw Miranda in her chair with her usual pose, one leg propped underneath her and the other with her knee pulled to her chest. She had her arms wrapped around her leg and her chin rested on her knee. Adrian could not help but think she was cute.

  When she saw him, her face brightened and the look melted his heart.

  Chapter Seven

  After going to the loo, Miranda quickly did a couple of exercises. She was glad she had been practicing yoga for the past ten years, and was proud to call herself a master now. Having no intention of losing any of her abilities, she finished the exercises to keep her flexible and went back to the bus. She was one of the first to get back, and pulled her beanbag pillow and her black and white blanket. She kept them in her lap for now, just looking outside through the open doors at the people that got on the bus again. Miranda rested her chin on her kne
e, and found she couldn't stop herself from smiling as Adrian stepped in as one of the last passengers to return.

  Miranda checked her watch as she heard the doors of the bus close. Almost eleven at night. She unfolded the blanket. "I don't know about you," she said to Adrian, "but I'm going to try and get some sleep." She flashed a quiet smile and pushed the pig between her neck, the back of the chair and the window. Then she got her mp3 player out of her pocket, though there were no earphones attached. Miranda reached into her bag again, and retrieved a pair of white, small headphones out of it. Before she put them on, she hesitated and gazed in Adrian's direction.

  "Uhm. If you do happen to get hungry, feel free to eat the rest of the salad. I've had enough, anyway..."

  Adrian was glad to see that Miranda had settled in to go to sleep also. It had been a long four days and he needed to sleep. He reached into his pack and pulled out his little dog pillow and the small blanket he had earlier. Miranda had offered her salad to him, but he felt too tired to eat right now. With a smile, he said to Miranda, “Sweet dreams.”

  Miranda wished Adrian a good night as well, though she doubted it would be very relaxing, but nonetheless covered her ears with her headphones and scrolled through her music until the voice of Alexi Murdoch was shutting out the rest of the world. She leaned back against her pillow and pulled the curtains in front of the windows, leaving a two inch gap so she could still see outside. It was starting to rain again, though during their bus stop it had temporarily stopped.

  As she wasn't really that tired yet, she was glad she brought her music to drift off to. Listening, she gazed out of the window, where the rain made it difficult to see any further than a few yards. The sheet of water that seemed to be dawning on France reminded her of home. She could smell the scent of incense and candles and lotus flowers, of which her mom was so fond of.

  Adrian wrapped the blanket around his legs to protect against the cold air from under the seat and stuffed the pillow behind his head. He leaned back and closed his eyes. He could feel it coming quickly, like he was being thrust into a dream world by some unknown force.

  His dreams started off normal, but it did not take long for them to turn on him. The darkness crept in and it felt like he was being pulled under water. Slowly, he tried to get up and save himself. It felt as if he tried to climb out of a hole but made no progress. Back on the bus, Miranda was still awake as Adrian drifted into this nightmare. He started to shake a little and she could tell that he was not in a good place.

  Just then, Miranda felt Adrian's knee falling against her leg. She glanced at him quickly, and noticed he was already asleep, and shivering, for some reason. First, she thought he was cold, but that didn't seem likely since he had only just fallen asleep, and he had a blanket. Miranda frowned as the shaking seemed to get worse and dropped her headphones around her neck. Soon enough, she realized he had to be having a nightmare, and quickly changed position so she was sitting on her knees.

  "Adrian," she whispered, trying to wake him up without waking up the whole bus. No reaction. "Adrian!" she whispered again, a little more forceful now. When that didn't help either, she put both of her hands against the sides of his face, and turned his head toward her. "Adrian!" Miranda said out loud now. Suddenly, the shivering decreased, and his eyes flew open, with that familiar look in it of one who woke up with the scare of a bad dream. She studied his face for a few seconds before she realized her hands were still around it, and quickly dropped them.

  "Are you okay?" Miranda asked, a little worried.

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  Adrian felt himself slip deeper into the darkness, losing the battle. He tried to pull free, but he could not seem to get out. Just as he felt himself slip, something pulled at him, brought him back out of the darkness. ‘Adrian.’ A voice called out in the distance. He could not tell where it was coming from. Then he heard it again. ‘Adrian.’

  He could feel something grab him, though it felt very distant. His eyes opened and took a moment to focus. Miranda. Instantly, he felt himself calming down.

  ‘Are you okay?’ The words hung there for a while. They reached his ears, but Adrian could just not seem to process them. As his breath slowed and he regained his wits, Adrian realized what Miranda had asked him.

  “Yes, I am okay….I …think. I….I ….yes, I am okay.” Adrian put his head in his hands, leaned forward, and tried to shake the last remaining feelings of the dream. As he leaned forward, he felt the gentle touch of Miranda’s hand on his back. It made him feel safe, if that made any sense at all. It was not like he couldn’t take care of himself. But he felt like he was not alone and that he would not get lost in the darkness.

  Miranda was still a little worried when he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees, and his face buried in his hands, but he said he was okay. She sat back on her own chair again, still on her knees, but placed a hand on his back to try and make him feel comfortable again. She didn't move it, it just lay there.

  When Adrian seemed to be feeling better and sat up straight again, Miranda put her hands in her lap and looked at him for a moment. She took on a more comfortable position with both her knees up to her chest and her toes buried in the narrow space between the two chairs. She sat back against her pillow trying hard to remember when the last time she had a nightmare. It must have been years ago. She usually didn't even remember what she dreamt.

  Miranda noticed suddenly that the bus was slowing down, and quickly glared out of the window to see they ended up in a traffic jam. She couldn't imagine traffic jams forming at night, so the only logical conclusion had to be that there had been some kind of accident out ahead.

  "Do you get nightmares often, or do you think you'll be okay for now?" she asked Adrian in a careful voice, not knowing what kind of answer to expect. Miranda suppressed a yawn, finally feeling the sleep starting to pull at her.

  Adrian was thankful to have Miranda with him on this trip. He considered himself very lucky to have met her. “I get them once in a while, but I think that I will be okay. Don’t worry.”

  He repositioned himself a little more comfortable while Miranda prepared to sleep. The bus had slowed to a stop, which indicated that they will be there a while. Adrian laid his head down more to the left towards Miranda. Without thinking, he had put his hand over hers on the arm rest. He was asleep again before he knew what happened.

  Miranda stared in turn at the bigger hand that was covering hers and to Adrian's sleeping face. Uhm, what just happened? The answer was obvious, but there were two things she didn't understand. The first was why on earth he would do something like this. The second was why it felt like a small electric shock was pulsating through her veins at his touch. Flashes of conversations shot through Miranda's mind. Guys don't talk to me. Handle with care. Not attractive to men.

  Miranda swallowed. This was ridiculous. Six hours in a bus could throw her off balance with an incident like this? Normally, she would have instantly pulled back her hand, but now she was already staring at the one that was hiding hers for a couple of minutes. Miranda clenched her jaws and cursed herself for this ridiculous behavior when she slowly, and ever so careful not to wake Adrian, slid her hand from underneath his. Her body was tense when she looked at his face to see if he had woken up by it. The only thing that changed slightly was his steady breathing, which was interrupted shortly before continuing. Miranda exhaled.

  When she wrapped her arms around her knees and tilted her head to the side to lie against her pillow, the warmth his hand had transferred to hers slowly faded. For a moment, she wondered why she had to ruin the moment again, why she had to pull back her hand. She couldn't help but look at the man next to her. She guessed he was only a few years older than her, maybe twenty-five. His dark brown hair was almost black in the dark bus. For the first time, Miranda noticed she found him quite good-looking.

  Bloody hell, Miranda, get a grip on yourself, she thought furiously, and firmly closed her eyes. That was quite enough of that. She
remembered she still had her headphones around her neck, and put them on her ears again. The battery would probably be dead when she woke up, but it would help her get to sleep. Besides, by that time, she had someone to talk to. Focusing hard, Miranda chose one of the relaxation techniques she had learned during her yoga training and applied it on herself. Soon, all the thoughts were banned to a corner of her head and her mind went blank at the moment sleep got its hold over her. She would wake in exactly the same position she went to sleep in.

  Chapter Eight

  Adrian slept throughout the remainder of the night quietly. He did not have any more nightmares and he did not wake up until the bus stopped again. It was morning and time for their next break. Adrian glanced over at Miranda, still asleep with her headphones in her ears, her hands wrapped around her knees. He thought about whether to wake her, but she seemed so peaceful.

  He reached his hand out and gently touched her shoulder, “Miranda? We have stopped again.” Adrian was tried to be quiet so he did not startle her, but it appeared he was too quiet. He reached over again and repeated a little louder, “Miranda. We have stopped, you should wake up now.”

  Slowly, Miranda opened her eyes. Still tired, she dropped her hands away from her knees so she could rub her eyes. When she finished, she looked over at Adrian with a strange expression, almost questioning. He did not understand what the look was for because he did not recall putting his hand over hers the night before.

  “Well, I am going to stretch a little and use the bath…..the loo.” Adrian laughed just a little at the word. It was definitely an English term that he was not used to using. Before Miranda could reply, Adrian got up and left the bus with a few other people.